it would've been a lie to say that i wasn't going to miss you. but we all had our own paths to take, and mine was simply taking you away from me for now.

 the first time i saw her was when i was in my 4th day of my high school life. she was sits all alone back then, that is why i tried to approach her. when i ask her why did she just come to school now, she explained that she was sick and she can't be able to attend class for few days.
she was completely quiet at first, but i know from the beginning that she wasn't an introvert person, she was just shy. that was one reason that she and i bonded right away.

the first time she shows me that she cares for me was when we're in the middle of the year. home work, i really have a lot of home work back then, i couldn't do it at my home for some reason, that is why i tried to do it at school, sometimes i had to stay at internet cafe till late because of it. she knows about it, that is why she offered to help, i'm surprised, i don't know how to respond, that's why i refuse her right away, but deep down i really want her to help me, but i also didn't want to take advantage of her. i didn't dare to look at her face, i'm so ashamed of my self for being so lame and awkward.
the next day, my stress is piling up, well... i know that the previous mountain of homework is finished, but it's just keep coming, i can't keep up with it's pace. and that is the time when i really ask for help from her, and that's also the first time i ask a favor from someone else except my family. and yeah, she said she'll help me, it feels like there's a flower all over my heart, and i feels so warm.
and when all of the work is done, we decide to go home, on the way, when it's so quiet that i can't stand it, i decide to talk to her, i talked about myself, random things about me, saying that i really am a shy person, i don't have many friends, i don't like crowds, etc. she said that i'm not really different from her, and she began to talk about herself. she said that she didn't have any friends at her previous school and she said that she's already used to it now. there's something sad about it, and before i know it, i said "then i will be your friend from now on"  i looked forward, didn't dare to look at her face, ashamed of myself, afraid that she'll just laugh it off, but she didn't. instead, she said "okay". i know that we're already friends even though we didn't say it, but i just can't contain this warmth on my heart, that a smile is spreading all over my faces. that time i realize that this is the first time i hear her talking about herself, and before i know it, i realize that going home together with her had become our usual routine everyday.

the first time she spoils me was when we're on our 2nd grade of high school. i really hates mathematics. no matter how hard i tried, i just can't understand it, and that is why i always end up being yelled by my teacher because i'm so bad at math.
she knows about it, that is why she decide to teach me (she's so good at it), slowly, until i understand it completely. i dont know why but i understand it better when she teach me instead of my teacher. i know i can't let myself being spoiled by her, but who do you think i am? i'm just a brats who wants to be spoiled by her.

i don't know when we started to understand each other. her personality, when she's quiet at first but then she's acting like a mom later on (scolding me, tells me not to forget anything, etc), her habits, how he expresses herself, her family, her past, her likes and dislikes, etc... i don't know where and when i started to learn all of it.
we laughed together, we do a lot of things together, and we shared both pains and happiness together. but it's sad that we end up being apart. i can't tell you the reason, but i am the one who actually left her, all of it, i'm the one who leave them, but i didn't mean to leave her, it's just that i "have" to leave her.  ...i think she might hate me, but she didn't. 3 months after we completely lost contact, she suddenly contact me.

"hey, how are you? i hope you're okay. why didn't i hear anything about you? keep going, okay? you said that you want to be a traveler , but i've never seen you up until now. but even if we never meet each other again, i hope you didn't forget me when we meet again, i always went home alone now, not together with you anymore. hey, don't ever give up, i know you can do it, i'm sorry, i just contact you today. i know that you know the reason. and i'm sorry that if i've ever hurt you accidentally... -name"

(ps: i can't give you the full version of the text, so here's the trial version  short version of the text , sorry ^^")

to be frank, i didn't ever think that she would contact me. and it hurts me a little when she sounds like we'll never be able to meet again. i do want to meet her, but i guess i can't, at least right now.

i will take my path, and she'll take hers, and i just hope that our paths cross again. so that i can at least says a proper goodbye to her. and i hope she didn't forget me by the time we meet again. i was happy to have her by my side.

Labels: On Friendship

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